Stratch that. Life is pretty amazing right now.
My birthday flew by last month and life has been heading down a positive road. I'm happy, though I may not have everything and I'm constantly broke all the time, I can honestly say I am happy. As I have grown older and learned more...I realize that the people that remain in my life and put up with me or those that can manage to salvage a relationship with me are the ones that TRULY count. I am very thankful for that and love them all so dearly.
xxxxx gave me this beautiful box for my birthday and I love it. I wasn't sure of what the painting represented, but since my boyfriend is part Irish, he told me what it meant. He said it was a friendship ring, but in my case it's a friendship circle having to do with love, loyalty, honesty, and trust. I'm not sure if xxxxx knew this when she got me the gift, but I love it even more.
School starts for me next week. I'm looking forward to it, but then again...I'm not! I did good last semester and passed my classes. I'm hoping to do good again this semester. Once school starts I won't be having much of a social life and I will have less time with xxxxx. This means I will have to spend whatever time I have with him and I also need to squeeze in gym time, of course.
Time to give xxxxx a bath. He's been so dirty and stinky lately. Hahaha. I guess since I've been spending so much time with xxxx, I've been neglecting my baby bear.
xoxo
August 22, 2010
February 7, 2010
Slip me an Ambien. Pass the Warm Tea.
"And I wonder if I ever cross your mind. For me, it happens all the time."
Can a body really acclimate to not getting enough sleep? I believe my body has. I'm always so tired, but I can't sleep. I wake up all hours of the night and I even wake up real early on weekends too. I just can't sleep anymore. I've ran out of my sleeping pills...and contemplating on getting more, but then I think that may be a total waste of money because it doesn't seem to be helping. What's going on with me? I only want a good 8 hours of rest, I want to shut my mind off. I also want these horrible nightmares to go away. Maybe this is all just a little phase I'm going through and soon I'll recover. I'll be estatic once the dark circles slowly recede from around my eyes.
I'm going on my fourth week of school. So far, it's going alright. It's very fast-paced, since I only have classes two days a week. Considering how fast the classes are, I have to constantly keep up on my studying and do homework every night. I've been slacking a bit only because I feel so overwhelmed with life right now and being down in the gutter just adds to it. It seems like the stupid choices from my past is slowly catching up to me and now that I've fallen down, life is kicking me in the face so that I can't get up. School has caused me to miss out on a lot of my gym time and that's bringing me down as well. I don't have as much energy or feel good about myself when I'm not working out. I have to somehow squeeze in at least an hour and a half a night to be a gym rat when I'm not at school.
I've been pretty annoyed with the opposite sex lately. Now when I'm at that time in my life where I don't want to see anyone; I just want time for myself, I want to be by myself, they all swarm towards me like bees to honey. I'm not impressed. Further more it just annoys me because I'm not the least bit interested in anyone right now (well....unless you're Johnny Depp). Guys from my past are popping up, random guys I don't even know are showing up, and guys that I have once had somewhat of an interest in are trying to make their way into my current life. I think it's silly and it honestly makes me want to laugh. Well, actually I do laugh, but that's only done behind their backs. People think I'm crazy for turning everyone down, but if you put yourself in my shoes...I think you'd see my point to all this. As selfish as it sounds, I only want to care about myself and have time for myself.
xxxxx has recovered from his surgery and is as hyper as ever! He seems to be way more energetic now. I guess it's due to the fact that he has nothing to hold him down anymore. Haha! They said that the surgery would calm him down and he'll be more mellow, but were they wrong! I'm glad though, I wouldn't want to have a boring puppy. Last week xxxxxxx decided to work on some art and she made this picture of xxxxx:
Can a body really acclimate to not getting enough sleep? I believe my body has. I'm always so tired, but I can't sleep. I wake up all hours of the night and I even wake up real early on weekends too. I just can't sleep anymore. I've ran out of my sleeping pills...and contemplating on getting more, but then I think that may be a total waste of money because it doesn't seem to be helping. What's going on with me? I only want a good 8 hours of rest, I want to shut my mind off. I also want these horrible nightmares to go away. Maybe this is all just a little phase I'm going through and soon I'll recover. I'll be estatic once the dark circles slowly recede from around my eyes.
I'm going on my fourth week of school. So far, it's going alright. It's very fast-paced, since I only have classes two days a week. Considering how fast the classes are, I have to constantly keep up on my studying and do homework every night. I've been slacking a bit only because I feel so overwhelmed with life right now and being down in the gutter just adds to it. It seems like the stupid choices from my past is slowly catching up to me and now that I've fallen down, life is kicking me in the face so that I can't get up. School has caused me to miss out on a lot of my gym time and that's bringing me down as well. I don't have as much energy or feel good about myself when I'm not working out. I have to somehow squeeze in at least an hour and a half a night to be a gym rat when I'm not at school.
I've been pretty annoyed with the opposite sex lately. Now when I'm at that time in my life where I don't want to see anyone; I just want time for myself, I want to be by myself, they all swarm towards me like bees to honey. I'm not impressed. Further more it just annoys me because I'm not the least bit interested in anyone right now (well....unless you're Johnny Depp). Guys from my past are popping up, random guys I don't even know are showing up, and guys that I have once had somewhat of an interest in are trying to make their way into my current life. I think it's silly and it honestly makes me want to laugh. Well, actually I do laugh, but that's only done behind their backs. People think I'm crazy for turning everyone down, but if you put yourself in my shoes...I think you'd see my point to all this. As selfish as it sounds, I only want to care about myself and have time for myself.
xxxxx has recovered from his surgery and is as hyper as ever! He seems to be way more energetic now. I guess it's due to the fact that he has nothing to hold him down anymore. Haha! They said that the surgery would calm him down and he'll be more mellow, but were they wrong! I'm glad though, I wouldn't want to have a boring puppy. Last week xxxxxxx decided to work on some art and she made this picture of xxxxx:
Ridiculously adorable. He looks like he's got a mustache or he is part Mexican or something. She hates the picture though, but I loved it so I had to put it on the fridge.
Tomorrow is the beginning of another boring cycle. Here's to another week.
xoxo
January 9, 2010
In the Mood for Love
It is a restless moment.
She has kept her head lowered,
to give him a chance to come closer.
But he could not, for lack of courage.
She turns and walks away.
Absolutely beautiful. This quote says a lot to me at this moment in my life.
xxxxxx invited me over yesterday to hang out. Since I played hooky from work to better my life, I thought why not. We decided to watch a movie while she made pot roast for dinner. No, no, I did not have this for dinner myself. I stuck with plain sphagetti and tomato sauce...with a salad, of course. xxxxxx had decided to pick out "In the Mood for Love" by Wong Kar-Wai. Great. Just great. I had a friend who loved this movie and always talk about the director and his films. But I watched it anyway. I had to say, I feel in love with the movie. The way it was shot, the music, the characters, certain things reminded me of my childhood. Not to mention how it all ended in Cambodia at the Angkor Wat.
Like xxxxxx said, "it's achingly beautiful." Those are exactly the words I'd use to describe the whole movie myself. I feel in love with one of the main characters. She was so sad all the time, I felt her pain and she was constantly very elegant. Watching the movie makes me want to look like that and dress like her. She wore these gorgeous mandarin dresses that weren't made from that silky chinese material that I can't stand. All her dresses were the same cut, but yet in every scene I couldn't wait to see what kind of design or material was going to be next. What really got to me though was the part about secrets. Pa had a friend who told me what people used to do with secrets "back in the days". He has long since passed away, but the two scenes where they discuss secrets brought him back to my memory and made me a bit sad. I really like how Wong Kar-Wai put that in his film, not many films can capture my heart as this one did. It was so beautiful but so painful at the same time. How can two people that love each other so much not be able to be together? I don't understand that.
I finally saw a counselor for school. I waited for about three hours, since the semester starts next week and the only time available to see a counselor is on a drop-in basis. I was pretty nervous, but everything turned out well. I got a lot more accomplished than I thought I did. My counselor, xxxxxx was a pretty cool guy. Very helpful and made me feel very comfortable, so I think I will keep going to see him. We discussed my long break from school, finishing up my general education, and then my admission program into Kinesiology at San Francisco. The financial issue with school already makes me really nervous, but talking about my future made things a little more iffy. I'm just scared to be alone in a city where I don't really know anyone and to be that much further away from family.
xoxo
She has kept her head lowered,
to give him a chance to come closer.
But he could not, for lack of courage.
She turns and walks away.
Absolutely beautiful. This quote says a lot to me at this moment in my life.
xxxxxx invited me over yesterday to hang out. Since I played hooky from work to better my life, I thought why not. We decided to watch a movie while she made pot roast for dinner. No, no, I did not have this for dinner myself. I stuck with plain sphagetti and tomato sauce...with a salad, of course. xxxxxx had decided to pick out "In the Mood for Love" by Wong Kar-Wai. Great. Just great. I had a friend who loved this movie and always talk about the director and his films. But I watched it anyway. I had to say, I feel in love with the movie. The way it was shot, the music, the characters, certain things reminded me of my childhood. Not to mention how it all ended in Cambodia at the Angkor Wat.
Like xxxxxx said, "it's achingly beautiful." Those are exactly the words I'd use to describe the whole movie myself. I feel in love with one of the main characters. She was so sad all the time, I felt her pain and she was constantly very elegant. Watching the movie makes me want to look like that and dress like her. She wore these gorgeous mandarin dresses that weren't made from that silky chinese material that I can't stand. All her dresses were the same cut, but yet in every scene I couldn't wait to see what kind of design or material was going to be next. What really got to me though was the part about secrets. Pa had a friend who told me what people used to do with secrets "back in the days". He has long since passed away, but the two scenes where they discuss secrets brought him back to my memory and made me a bit sad. I really like how Wong Kar-Wai put that in his film, not many films can capture my heart as this one did. It was so beautiful but so painful at the same time. How can two people that love each other so much not be able to be together? I don't understand that.
I finally saw a counselor for school. I waited for about three hours, since the semester starts next week and the only time available to see a counselor is on a drop-in basis. I was pretty nervous, but everything turned out well. I got a lot more accomplished than I thought I did. My counselor, xxxxxx was a pretty cool guy. Very helpful and made me feel very comfortable, so I think I will keep going to see him. We discussed my long break from school, finishing up my general education, and then my admission program into Kinesiology at San Francisco. The financial issue with school already makes me really nervous, but talking about my future made things a little more iffy. I'm just scared to be alone in a city where I don't really know anyone and to be that much further away from family.
xoxo
January 5, 2010
Diamonds are constantly Falling
I came undone Sunday. I can't eat. I can't sleep. I can't think of anything, but xxxxxx. I've lost my twin. I feel like my world came to an abrupt stop, but everyone else keeps moving. I don't want to fall behind so I try to keep up. Every move I make is like a chore. I'm like a zombie. I'm just trying to push myself to make it to the next day. It's worse when night rolls around because that's when my mind wonders. I want to be left alone, but then again I don't want to be alone because I will begin to think too much. When I keep busy throughout the day, it doesn't hurt as bad, but the pain is still there. I believe this is the worst pain possible because nothing can cure it. Nothing gets rid of it. Time may kill the pain, but it doesn't ever make it disappear.
xxxxx'x boyfriend, xxxxx has H1N1. He got it from his son. It's been about ten days since he was exposed to the virus/flu. He's been around since and I'm afraid I will be getting it myself. I've been waiting for signs, taking vitamins, drinking shakes full of anti-oxidants (which taste like rotten Jolly Ranchers), and getting plenty of sleep or at least trying to. Let's hope I don't get anything. I know my immune system has been down lately because of the stress that has been placed upon my body. I read about H1N1 and discovered it's effects are worse on people with a heart condition. This is what frightens me most because I haven't seen a physician or a doctor in years about my heart....and now this gets thrown my way. I'm just scared, but I will think positive and try to stay healthy as best I can.
I get to see a counselor later this week for school. I need to go back and finish what I started. With school, work, my pup, the gym, I think I'll be pretty busy. It'll occupy most of my time and seeing the way things are right now, that is a very good thing. I need to get school done and over with so I can start a carreer. Do something with my life, you know? I'm excited, but also really nervous. I just worry about the financial situation, it's not going to be fun. We'll see how it goes....until then.
xoxo
xxxxx'x boyfriend, xxxxx has H1N1. He got it from his son. It's been about ten days since he was exposed to the virus/flu. He's been around since and I'm afraid I will be getting it myself. I've been waiting for signs, taking vitamins, drinking shakes full of anti-oxidants (which taste like rotten Jolly Ranchers), and getting plenty of sleep or at least trying to. Let's hope I don't get anything. I know my immune system has been down lately because of the stress that has been placed upon my body. I read about H1N1 and discovered it's effects are worse on people with a heart condition. This is what frightens me most because I haven't seen a physician or a doctor in years about my heart....and now this gets thrown my way. I'm just scared, but I will think positive and try to stay healthy as best I can.
I get to see a counselor later this week for school. I need to go back and finish what I started. With school, work, my pup, the gym, I think I'll be pretty busy. It'll occupy most of my time and seeing the way things are right now, that is a very good thing. I need to get school done and over with so I can start a carreer. Do something with my life, you know? I'm excited, but also really nervous. I just worry about the financial situation, it's not going to be fun. We'll see how it goes....until then.
xoxo
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